Not going into the earlier Netflix howler, Riverdale - which I did not get at all - I was waiting expectantly for Zoya Akhtar’s attempt at bringing the popular comic book title, ‘The Archies’, to Indian sensibilities. A lifelong reader of ‘The Archies’, going strong to this day, waiting impatiently for this movie to stream was only to be expected.

But with the extended waiting around came a lot of concerns. How well would they trim down a beacon of popular American culture into an Indian environment? How would the characters represent the characters from the comic books? Would any of it even make any sense? Was it even wise to bring ‘The Archies’ to India?

Till finally, the wait was over.

Set in the early 1960s, we are taken to the picturesque town of Riverdale set in the idyllic Himalayas, founded by a British officer who had taken root in his new-found Indian way of life. Teeming with a now near-extinct population of Anglo-Indians, we are quickly introduced to the entire gamut of popular characters - Archie Andrews, Jughead Jones, Betty Cooper, Reggie Mantle, Big Ethel, and a recently returned to Riverdale, Veronica Lodge. Set brilliantly in its period, the story quickly moves into popular ‘Archies’ territory of fun, young romance, and Riverdale High.

Trouble, though, is brewing in Riverdale in the form of crony capitalism and the consequent political greed that comes with it. The heart of Riverdale, Green Park, comes under threat when the recently returned Hiram Lodge looks to infuse unending capital to spruce up the idyllic town, while filling his pockets aplenty. And while all old, family businesses are wiped out under the pressure of his glorious green - with Betty’s father, Mr Cooper even losing his job and this putting an impossible strain on Betty and Veronica’s friendship (yeah, this was the reason for the strain, not who gets Archie) - the shove over all these little pushes comes over Mr Lodge wanting to build a 7-star hotel right in the middle of Green Park.

In true-blue Archies of the 60s style, the gang gets together and begins an entire campaign to get the citizens of Riverdale to unite and reclaim their city from this plague of corruption and greed. It’s warm, fuzzy, and immensely enjoyable, a very traditional battle of good versus evil, of idealism versus capitalism - and here’s where The Archies cart starts to fall off - over innocent teenage adolescence versus the growing pains of new adulthood.

Here is where Zoya Akhtar gets it wrong. ‘The Archies’, the comic books, are more about a group of kids doing kid things. Yes, there’s the romance, the balls and the dancing, the saving pocket money for Jughead to rip it off you for his Pop Tate burgers, for Reggie to boast about how he’s good about everything under the sun, for Veronica to shop till a distraught Mr Lodge can’t take it anymore, for Archie to get into constant trouble while failing to juggle Betty and Veronica - and yet none of that happens here. The famed Reggie v Archie battles that form the cornerstone of Riverdale High - absent. The famed Betty v Veronica squabbles that has brought life into the comic books from their genesis - absent. Why, even Big Moose is just a lovable dolt, without one bit of brutish aggression in his body!

Yes, there is dancing, there is The Archies band, there is some bits of school thrown in, but it’s not the essence of The Archies. Now, would it even literally be possible to have an Archies movie taken just from the comic books? No, absolutely not. The Archies comics are a collection of small skits, tiny episodic stories that make up a digest/double digest. There is never an underlying theme that brings an entire comic book edition together - unlike say a Tintin or an Asterix story. So yes, creating a storyline out of its Indian setting absolutely makes sense. But what happened in the process was we lost the true essence of what makes The Archies special. The movie hardly has any laughs (considering one of ‘The Archie’ digests is literally called ‘Laugh’), it hardly has any of the things just listed out above - and that makes it a movie about a bunch of cute, lovable teenagers trying to be adults and fighting for their pretty, idyllic town. Andrews or Aryan wouldn’t make a difference to it.

And in light of that, the characters lack any of their original definition from the comic books as well. Archie is just an idiot. Betty - the one character in the comics who is universally liked and loved, forever cheerful and chirpy against the face of all odds and adversities - sits around and mopes all day for just about everything. Reggie is what Archie should have been, the hero of this piece. And Veronica is kind, warm-hearted, and extremely affectionate - never for once being the Veronica Lodge that we know and love from the comics. And even then, my biggest gripe personally is turning the affable and harassed Mr Lodge into an archetypal villain through about 98% of the movie!

So, in a nutshell - The Archies film is about The Archies, but not ‘The Archies’ per se from the comic books. Whatever sense that makes.

That brings us to the performances. We have here a bunch of star kids making their debut, almost like a school play made up of friends and more friends - which honestly, works for the ‘gang’ effect that the movie tries to portray. We have Agastya Nanda, playing Archie Andrews, and away from the character development, young Nanda does a semi-decent job. He has some ways yet to go to be really judged over his capabilities, but he does manage to hold the Archies charm in an oddly mysterious way. Suhana Khan will have the toughest path ahead of her because of who her father is - she will be shamed, she will be blamed, she will be doubted, she will be outed, ridiculed, harassed, criticized - and all for no real fault of her own. I can’t believe she hatched some devious plan to somehow be born as Shahrukh Khan’s daughter, and yes, while still a bit woody and stiff in places, she too needs to be judged through a few more films going forward. She’ll have to strive harder than the rest - for all the advantages people think life has afforded her in her career, she has the hardest path ahead. And I have nothing but respect for her for just trying to succeed in an extremely harrowing and stressful profession where your worth is deemed by insecure strangers with cheap keyboards. Khushi Kapoor was a bit meh, but a bit of that blame needs to be shared with her character development as well.

The more nuanced and better performances come from Vedang Raina, playing Reggie Mantle, Mihir Ahuja playing the extremely lovable Jughead Jones - and the real masterclass performance amongst the kids coming from Aditi Dot playing “Big” Ethel Muggs. The movie is aptly held up by an entire hoard of extremely talented supporting cast members, made up of Alyy Khan, Kamal Sidhu, Satyajit Sharma, Tara Sharma, Koel Puri - and the ever-dependable Vinay Pathak.

But the real hero of this film - the one that makes up for almost every single flaw through its two-hour runtime? The production value! The entire production is so well etched that you are truly transported into the time period, be it the clothes, the comic-but-real sets, the picturesque realism that makes up a town we have all wanted to live in with our friends at some point of time - just seeing the movie through it’s canvas is worth everything while watching The Archies.

Overall, the movie might not have been the best, it might not have spilt over very ideally from comic book page to celluloid - but it’s most certainly worth a watch if you’re willing to bring a more expansive willing suspension of disbelief with your giant tub of popcorn. And then you really shouldn’t be too disappointed.

Va Va Voom!